Why I Am Going to Seattle
There are roughly 200 miles that lie between Portland and Seattle. Tomorrow, my brother and I will become familiar with them as we make the trek northward. The broken lines on the pavement will rush past in a whir of white, an iconic representation of the timid lunges and faltering half-steps that have gotten me to this point—to the point where I have enough longing to question the safety of the “safe” decisions that invite me to set up camp in the hallway when there are mysterious doors on every side that beg to be explored.Three years ago, the door I chose led to a Bible school I’d never seen set on the outskirts of a city I’d never visited. In my mind’s attic, Portland was the wardrobe, Portland Bible College the sleepy lamppost in a snowy wood. Three years of learning respect for men and Scriptures, cleansing my soul, and aligning my life with the spirit and truth of the words of Jesus have done me an immense amount of good. After years spent surviving the air-raids, my soul has revived in Narnia.
As wonderful as this time has been, however, my soul screams aloud that beyond the lamp-post is a wonderful, mysterious world! At the base of my spirit rests a longing that arcs occasionally into flame. “Hurrah, sir! I exist and I will not be silenced. Do not pretend to ignore me; my words are deeper than the ocean, stronger than the sea. I am a restless fire within your bones, the itch and the longing you cannot ignore. I am the energy at the end of your fingers, the pot of gold at the rainbow’s end. I am the stab of joy you feel at the thought of traveling. I am in the rush of gratitude you experience at the ocean’s edge. My work can be found in the tears you heave and weep upon the mere thought of returning home.”
I do not know what to do with this voice, or how to answer her. She is not only persistent, but also quite mad. And yet she is also right about one thing—she is completely impossible to ignore. In fact, she has slowly tricked me into the trip I am making tomorrow—first, by pushing me to admit that other possibilities besides the theological/ministerial autobahn exist; second, by arousing in me an insatiable curiosity for the long and curved path to the same destination; third, by reminding me of all the times she would come to me through books and poems and stir my longings for another world that I had never seen; fourth, and finally, by forcing me to admit that I have loved her in all the forms that she has visited me. With a twinkle in her eyes and softness in her steps, she has whispered to me through the pages of a thousand letters that there is mystery in life, some clear joy to be found.
Of course, I am describing poetically what I could have said simply, in five to seven words: I am interested in the study of literature. That is why I am going to Seattle Pacific University tomorrow. That is why the lines will run together on the pavement. There is a great big world out there to be seen, and I am peeking my head behind door one to see if a portion of it suits me.
posted by John Adams @ 12:26 AM
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